It's been fun!

This is my last blog entry as President of First Unitarian Church of Wilmington.  It's been a great ride.  Thanks to all of you who have ventured into the blog world with me.

Below are my thoughts for the future, from my address at the Annual Meeting on Sunday.

Think about why you came to this church for the very first time. People show up at churches because something is happening in their lives that they want to change. What was happening in your life that brought you through our doors – and why did you stay? What if we were to lose everything that we think of as "our church"—the staff, the programs, this sanctuary, our building? Would you be motivated to start over with the people who are sitting beside you? Would you find another church? Would you choose not to go to church at all?

Answering “why?” to these questions will help bring clarity to our mission. Our reason to exist in this community must be compelling and full of purpose. What is so powerful and strong within our covenant to each other that we would go through pain and struggle to get there – even to rebuild? Who would we want by our side?

We must build a bridge from our faith to those people outside our four walls – what David Owen O’Quill describes as “who our heart breaks for”. When we can name these people we seek to reach, we will begin to understand our congregation’s unique, focused mission and priorities; a mission we can fail at – and one worth picking up the pieces to try again.

What about being welcoming to all? While we are sincere when we say we welcome all, we know that not all people embrace the Unitarian Universalist faith. And not all Unitarian Universalists will find First U their church home if our actions and programs don’t match their passions for church. Each UU church has a unique culture. There is nothing wrong with naming our culture. With becoming who we truly are.

This year I joined with other adults and youth on the Youth Adult Team, my commitment last year at the annual meeting. Our role is to help envision the youth experience here at First U and to carry it out, partnering with Catherine. My experience with these young people was nothing short of amazing. Why am I drawn to our youth? My children grew up in this church. They are each exceptionally bright, promising, articulate – some of them eccentric. AND each of them, like many, struggled to find their place in the world as teenagers. In this place, they were not just allowed – but encouraged – to be themselves and explore their beliefs; they had a voice – in their classroom, in the choir, in front of this congregation – a voice that mattered to you, that inspired you and expanded your own thinking. They were embraced by this community where they did not fear judgment for what they believed. It is the same today. Our youth have a strong need to explore their spirituality – and to stand side-by-side with you in fun and in service to our community. My heart breaks for those youth and young adults in our broader community who are in need of such an open and accepting religious community in a world of ever-expanding fundamentalist values. I would build my bridge to them and work to become relevant for their generation.

Your board believes that it’s time for all of us to participate in envisioning our mission. It’s something that will come from our hearts, not from a committee writing a statement. We will know it when we see it—and we will strive for it with our hearts, minds, and hands. So today, as I leave the presidency and the board, I’d like you to begin a new conversation with yourself and the people who are sitting around you every Sunday.

Who is it that your heart breaks for? Said another way, who would you build a bridge to and have sit side-by-side with you for worship and work side-by-side with you to fulfill First Unitarian Church’s mission? Be specific—and make it personal. What is the bridge you are called upon to build? What is it that you must do to be at peace with yourself? Who is it that your heart breaks for?

I hope you will contemplate these questions with the Board and let them know how you would answer.

It has been an honor to serve as a board member for the past six years and as your President for the past three. When I first joined the board, we were in the first of three interim years while we searched for a new settled Sr. Minister and we were a congregation in turmoil. We have come so far and are now a congregation in covenant with each other. The future is ours to create. Let’s honor our past and create a future that is relevant for the next generation of UU’s – full of life – focused with purpose – and from the words of Rev. Fred Muir, provides spiritual grounding so we can do the work of justice. I have loved the work of the Board – policy governance and all. Thank you all for your trust and your commitment to this church.

In faith,

Nancy

Soma and You - Making a Difference for Future Generations

Meet Soma – an artist we visited in a small village in Tanzania. Soma works hard to support his family, which includes his mother. They live together on the same property – and he is so proud that he has been able to build a home just for his mother. It has two rooms – and it has an adjoining structure that one day he will be able to afford to finish, and connect with a door. We listened as he described with pride how he is building his family a new latrine – including a stall for a shower. As he earns enough money, he’ll be able to complete it, and replace the old latrine which is falling down. The buildings are made from bricks he has made himself. He is not a wealthy man – and he gives of his treasure for others.

Soma is one of several generous people we met in our travels. An artist by trade, he has opened an art school for children of his village tolearn to draw and paint. For these students, there is no charge; they could not afford to pay for art training. Rather, he supplies the paints and materials for them so that they have a chance to see if art is their passion. The children are so proud of their drawings and eagerly showed them to the travelers – and they can also offer them for sale for $1 each. The money goes back in to purchasing supplies, as well as things they need for everyday living. Soma – giving back to the community from his passion for art, building for the next generation, supporting the previous generation – an amazing story of generosity.

Likewise, our vision for First U is not limited to feeding our own spiritual hungers. Included are the broader visions of being a religion that will live on for generations to come, “transforming the world in large and small ways” as Josh speaks about on March 20. I am so grateful to have found Unitarian Universalism, founded in Wilmington in 1866 as the First Unitarian Society of Wilmington. What started as a conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Charles P. Bent and Thomas Y. de Normandie, who had Unitarianism in common, developed into the church we love today. Seventeen people signed the initial document establishing our church. And from their vision, with Rev. Fielder Israel as their first minister, a church was born – and grew. We have an interesting history – one you can read in our pamphlet written and researched by Ariana Pagones Langford and Jeanette Webber and published in 1991 for our 125th anniversary.

So many of us are engaged in our individual personal lives in making a difference in the world. I believe we can continue that service AND work together in the name of Unitarian Universalism and First U.  First U is striving to continue to be a loving, welcoming church community supporting individual spiritual growth – AND an inspirational beacon and powerhouse for social justice. We seek to be a unifying force and a powerful partner and promoter of interfaith harmony, world peace and environmental sustainability – in other words, a vibrant, religious movement. Like my artist friend Soma, we are building for future generations, as our church today was built for us by previous generations. To accomplish this and move beyond basic operational funding, it takes all of us and our generosity of time and treasure.

First U began for me as a Sunday morning experience – a service I was amazed to hear and a religion I didn't realize existed. Today – and for many years – it is much more than Sunday morning. Over the years, by putting our church first, Paul and I have been able to reach our goal of giving a full 10% of our gross income to support the operations of our church. We have included First U in our estate plan so that our pledge will live on beyond us. And, at the same time, we have also been able to increase our support to other organizations close to our hearts. Generosity breeds generosity. Like Soma and so many others of little means as well as those like us who are lucky to have more, please consider your gift generously as you take part in making a difference for today's and future generations. 

In faith,

Nancy

Making Music Together

A cheetah perched atop a termite mound – muscles tense, eyes piercing through the acres of golden grasses. A beautiful animal in the narrow focus of the camera – and yet there’s no mistaking the story that is about to unfold – the bigger context of the cycle of life in the Serengeti.

A magnificent tree – fascinating to my artist’s eye for the tunnel that has perforated the massive trunk. The larger context tells us that the tree bark provides moisture for the enormous elephants that share the land, as well as a scratching post for their tough skin. Nature’s way.

Over and over again, listening from a perspective of “not knowing”, there was so much to learn about life and relationships while we were in Africa in December. It helps that I had little actual knowledge about Tanzania before I arrived there, although I brought with me my limited experience of life from my sheltered life in the US.  While I might be able to understand, intellectually, when have I ever felt in my being the critical role that animal dung plays in the cycle of life: notice of animals that have passed through, signaling possible danger, healing power, fuel for fire, warm homes for beetle’s eggs, and more? This was just one minor example of many spiritual lessons I learned in the context of survival in Africa.

There is so much we can learn by broadening our perspective – viewing life circumstances from the larger whole. The same is true of our conversations with each other.  In February, our ministers chose “Deep Listening” as our theme to consider, and we delved more deeply into this in our Open Circles. How often do we enter into conversation with each other with our own agendas, barely hearing what the other has to say in our rush to be heard ourselves?  Or leaping to solve another’s problem when they actually only wanted to speak out loud as they sorted through their thoughts?  As Rev. Josh referenced St. Francis and Steven Covey in his sermon on February 6th, deep listening “is the spiritual practice of seeking to understand before seeking to be understood.”  At St. John’s College where our daughter Laura attended, the rule in the classroom is that a student’s contribution to the discussion must build on the previous student’s thoughts, forcing “being in one conversation”, to quote my friend Dianne Collins, instead of focusing on one’s own agenda.  Laura was encouraged to come to the table without having it “all figured out” so she would be open to new possibilities.

This spring – as most years – we’ll have plenty of opportunity for deep listening as we consider topics of importance for our church. We’ll entertain and vote on changes in our bylaws.  We’ll tell our stories of what’s important to us as we consider our financial support for the future.  We’ll be clarifying our mission – and deciding how we can best put that mission into action.  What is the larger context within which we engage these important conversations?  How do we remind ourselves to seek to understand, first and be prepared to embrace new possibilities?  As Dianne says, “Communication resides in the relationship between one person and another. Communication is not a thing. It is an amorphous living presence that exists in the ether, like music”.  When we listen with our whole being in the context of making a difference together, we’ll make music together. 

In Faith,

Nancy

Connections and the difference we make

Every winter for the past several winters I have spent some time with my parents in Perdido Key, Florida.  While there I take long walks on the deserted beach, rejuvenating and enjoying the solitude.  I am struck by the numbers and diversity of shells that wash up on the shore and it reminds me of the interconnectedness of all in this world of ours and the importance of our connections with each other and with those in our community we haven't yet met. 

Last Sunday (11/14) many of you participated in a quick survey the board was taking to find out your responses to the following questions:

• What is the most important difference Unitarian Universalism has made in your life?
• What do you want First U to be recognized for in the future?

I was not surprised to see that connection plays a role in your responses to both of these questions.  Here’s what you said, in summary.  We value spiritual freedom and religious choice, as well as enrichment and personal growth.  We value the open-mindedness of Unitarian Universalism and our respect for all.  The community we have found in this spiritual home has made a significant difference in our lives; we value the sense of belonging, inclusiveness and compassion we feel here and are inspired by our fellow members.  We value our children and hope that our church is one that is as welcoming to youth and young adults as it is to our older members.  Additionally, our hopes for the future are that we continue to be a loving, welcoming church community supporting individual’s spiritual growth; that we are an inspirational beacon and powerhouse for social justice, a religiously unifying force and a powerful partner and promoter of interfaith harmony, world peace and environmental sustainability – a vibrant, growing church.

The words in bold were among the most used words in your responses.  Check out the Board Bulletin Board in the parish hall to see a visual of the words you used and your specific responses in detail.  We will continue to explore your responses with you as we assess our goals for the next few years.  In the meantime, there's no reason we can't be all of these things.  Our ministers recently rolled out a transformed program for community action – the Ministry of Compassionate Action.  It's mission is transforming Wilmington into a just, loving and sustainable community.  This is a minstry that calls for personal connections and recalls the words of Rebecca Parker,

“Your gifts — whatever you discover them to be — can be used to bless or curse the world. You must answer this question: What will you do with your gifts? Choose to bless the world. None of us alone can save the world. Together — that is another possibility waiting.”

In support of our ministry in the community and the world, the Board will focus on incarnational growth in December - how we make a difference in the world.   Should our church take official stands on social issues of concern?  Which ones, and how can we be inclusive of those in our church who may have a different opinion.  Currently, board policy requires approval for such stands before our ministers or others can speak on behalf of the church - although ministers do have freedom of the pulpit.  This is a tricky issue - and something you should talk to us about.

In Faith,

Nancy

The Road to Growth - Untraveled Paths?

At our October meeting, the board began the first of three monthly discussions on growth. We’re reading Loren Mead’s book, “More Than Numbers: The Way Churches Grow”. Despite the title, our focus in October was our numbers – from a variety of perspectives. This was to give us some grounding in our history for the past 50 years, with a specific interest in who we are today. As Mead tells us, “any human institution that does not develop an effective method of recruiting new membership (and leadership) will die.” In November and December we’ll talk more about other ways we grow – spiritually, organizationally, and in our commitment to others outside our four walls.

It will not come as a surprise to any of you reading that most of our congregation is older than 65 – and 85% of us are older than 45. This is not bad or good – just is. What is a positive sign, however, is that our church demographics in terms of length of membership fall into a common pattern of most people being either relatively new (0 – 10 years) or long time (>20) members. This bi-modal pattern can be a sign of a healthy congregation as new members are continuing to join. The challenge we face, as do other churches like us, demographically, is that the value-systems that were established from life lessons differ in some significant ways between our newest and long time members and naturally lead to different ideas about what’s important and how to achieve it. This is not a problem to be fixed – but a challenge none-the-less as we seek out ways to be in community and spirit together.

Also no surprise, membership has been declining since the early 1990’s – reflecting the aging community we live in. During this time we have seen schools close as the younger population decreases and since 2000 we have had no growth in the communities of our biggest membership draw – and in fact a slight decrease. This poses a challenge to us for membership growth, as our long range planning team pointed out to us last year. Still, we are seeing many new faces come through the door. In fact, new members are on the rise since 2005. Average attendance is around 180 – nearing the 80% capacity point where the sanctuary is considered full. This is a good feeling.

What does this all mean? That’s the subject of the next few months – and of our conversations with you. For sure we know we will travel on new and exciting paths as we move forward. As Paul and I were recently walking through Hitchcock Woods in Aiken, South Carolina, the many forks in the path we were on reminded me of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. I believe our travels together as a congregation will lead us to new places along untraveled paths – and they will make a difference not only for us but for the greater community in which we make our home.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

In faith,

Nancy

Butterflies, Photos and Us

We were recently driving along the Blue Ridge Parkway, taking a break from the stress and hustle-bustle of interstate traffic.  It wasn’t the same as walking through the forests or along the beach, but was a good alternative, when driving was the mode of transportation for the day.  You might say I was transformed by the experience.  Stopping at pull-offs along the way, camera in hand to capture the beauty of the mountains of North Carolina, a short hike to a new vantage point - I felt different; more relaxed, happier, freer.  Same trip - new context – new sense of being. 

Transformation – a word we hear a lot these days.  What does it mean, really?  I usually think about transformation as bringing something new into existence – like a butterfly, created anew from a caterpillar.  In its new form, come new possibilities.  Like wings to fly.  A new existence.   A different existence.  It doesn’t take anything away from the caterpillar – it’s just different.   I see it happen in my photography, too.  A photo of berries in the brush along the road is just another nice picture, but move a few inches and catch the blues and purples of the mountains in the background – an image transformed.   Same berries – same brush – new context – new vision emerged. 

The Board is beginning a 6-month discussion about who we are as a congregation; about the growth we have experienced – and haven’t.  About our purpose together – all of us.  Our goal is to take a fresh look at our vision of the future and we need you.  In a time when more and more people are choosing not to attend a church of any kind, when people don’t even know much about their own religions, according to a recent Pew study, you choose to belong.  And you choose this church, our church. 

We have the same name as we always have.  We’re in the same building in the same neighborhood as we have been since the 60’s.  More than half of us – myself included – have been members more than twenty years.  And the world around us has changed.  New context.  New congregation.  Not better – not worse – just different.  What is the story of our congregation at this time in our history?  What is our growth story?  What do we mean by growth?  It’s more than numbers the Board is reminded by Loren Mead in his book we are reading. 

We want to hear from you why you choose to belong, why you give your time and resources.  When we distinguish – and are clear about - who we are today, we will be ready to transform ourselves as a congregation and will be ready to own our future and the many possibilities it presents.  As we celebrate who we have been, we welcome who we will become.

In Faith,

Nancy

Now we Gather

Paul and I spent a couple of hours yesterday walking around Longwood Gardens – always a beautiful place to be any time of year. The air was crisp, there was quite a breeze, and there were a few clouds in the sky, but no rain. Besides walking, I was there to learn more about the settings on my camera and play with a new lens. We started by checking out the sunflower fields that I read about in the paper in the morning. Just down the road from the main entrance there are acres and acres of sunflowers in full bloom at this special time of year of ingathering. Wow – you couldn’t help but be happy around all those sunshiny faces, nodding to each other in the wind, happily greeting the bees who came to taste what they had to offer. There was a steady stream of people gathering to take in the beauty of it all - old people, young people, families with children – smiling, chatting, walking in wonder through the field, in search of the perfect photo.

It’s not so different from church, is it? On Sunday, we’ll be gathering once again. I look forward to seeing your sunshiny faces there, welcoming each other, nodding and chatting with each other, meeting new people who have been drawn to this spiritual home of seekers we love. I hope that you come with great hopes and dreams of who we must be in the world – and that you share them with me and the others on our board.

See you in church!

In faith,

Nancy