Connections and the difference we make

Every winter for the past several winters I have spent some time with my parents in Perdido Key, Florida.  While there I take long walks on the deserted beach, rejuvenating and enjoying the solitude.  I am struck by the numbers and diversity of shells that wash up on the shore and it reminds me of the interconnectedness of all in this world of ours and the importance of our connections with each other and with those in our community we haven't yet met. 

Last Sunday (11/14) many of you participated in a quick survey the board was taking to find out your responses to the following questions:

• What is the most important difference Unitarian Universalism has made in your life?
• What do you want First U to be recognized for in the future?

I was not surprised to see that connection plays a role in your responses to both of these questions.  Here’s what you said, in summary.  We value spiritual freedom and religious choice, as well as enrichment and personal growth.  We value the open-mindedness of Unitarian Universalism and our respect for all.  The community we have found in this spiritual home has made a significant difference in our lives; we value the sense of belonging, inclusiveness and compassion we feel here and are inspired by our fellow members.  We value our children and hope that our church is one that is as welcoming to youth and young adults as it is to our older members.  Additionally, our hopes for the future are that we continue to be a loving, welcoming church community supporting individual’s spiritual growth; that we are an inspirational beacon and powerhouse for social justice, a religiously unifying force and a powerful partner and promoter of interfaith harmony, world peace and environmental sustainability – a vibrant, growing church.

The words in bold were among the most used words in your responses.  Check out the Board Bulletin Board in the parish hall to see a visual of the words you used and your specific responses in detail.  We will continue to explore your responses with you as we assess our goals for the next few years.  In the meantime, there's no reason we can't be all of these things.  Our ministers recently rolled out a transformed program for community action – the Ministry of Compassionate Action.  It's mission is transforming Wilmington into a just, loving and sustainable community.  This is a minstry that calls for personal connections and recalls the words of Rebecca Parker,

“Your gifts — whatever you discover them to be — can be used to bless or curse the world. You must answer this question: What will you do with your gifts? Choose to bless the world. None of us alone can save the world. Together — that is another possibility waiting.”

In support of our ministry in the community and the world, the Board will focus on incarnational growth in December - how we make a difference in the world.   Should our church take official stands on social issues of concern?  Which ones, and how can we be inclusive of those in our church who may have a different opinion.  Currently, board policy requires approval for such stands before our ministers or others can speak on behalf of the church - although ministers do have freedom of the pulpit.  This is a tricky issue - and something you should talk to us about.

In Faith,

Nancy

The Road to Growth - Untraveled Paths?

At our October meeting, the board began the first of three monthly discussions on growth. We’re reading Loren Mead’s book, “More Than Numbers: The Way Churches Grow”. Despite the title, our focus in October was our numbers – from a variety of perspectives. This was to give us some grounding in our history for the past 50 years, with a specific interest in who we are today. As Mead tells us, “any human institution that does not develop an effective method of recruiting new membership (and leadership) will die.” In November and December we’ll talk more about other ways we grow – spiritually, organizationally, and in our commitment to others outside our four walls.

It will not come as a surprise to any of you reading that most of our congregation is older than 65 – and 85% of us are older than 45. This is not bad or good – just is. What is a positive sign, however, is that our church demographics in terms of length of membership fall into a common pattern of most people being either relatively new (0 – 10 years) or long time (>20) members. This bi-modal pattern can be a sign of a healthy congregation as new members are continuing to join. The challenge we face, as do other churches like us, demographically, is that the value-systems that were established from life lessons differ in some significant ways between our newest and long time members and naturally lead to different ideas about what’s important and how to achieve it. This is not a problem to be fixed – but a challenge none-the-less as we seek out ways to be in community and spirit together.

Also no surprise, membership has been declining since the early 1990’s – reflecting the aging community we live in. During this time we have seen schools close as the younger population decreases and since 2000 we have had no growth in the communities of our biggest membership draw – and in fact a slight decrease. This poses a challenge to us for membership growth, as our long range planning team pointed out to us last year. Still, we are seeing many new faces come through the door. In fact, new members are on the rise since 2005. Average attendance is around 180 – nearing the 80% capacity point where the sanctuary is considered full. This is a good feeling.

What does this all mean? That’s the subject of the next few months – and of our conversations with you. For sure we know we will travel on new and exciting paths as we move forward. As Paul and I were recently walking through Hitchcock Woods in Aiken, South Carolina, the many forks in the path we were on reminded me of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. I believe our travels together as a congregation will lead us to new places along untraveled paths – and they will make a difference not only for us but for the greater community in which we make our home.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

In faith,

Nancy

Butterflies, Photos and Us

We were recently driving along the Blue Ridge Parkway, taking a break from the stress and hustle-bustle of interstate traffic.  It wasn’t the same as walking through the forests or along the beach, but was a good alternative, when driving was the mode of transportation for the day.  You might say I was transformed by the experience.  Stopping at pull-offs along the way, camera in hand to capture the beauty of the mountains of North Carolina, a short hike to a new vantage point - I felt different; more relaxed, happier, freer.  Same trip - new context – new sense of being. 

Transformation – a word we hear a lot these days.  What does it mean, really?  I usually think about transformation as bringing something new into existence – like a butterfly, created anew from a caterpillar.  In its new form, come new possibilities.  Like wings to fly.  A new existence.   A different existence.  It doesn’t take anything away from the caterpillar – it’s just different.   I see it happen in my photography, too.  A photo of berries in the brush along the road is just another nice picture, but move a few inches and catch the blues and purples of the mountains in the background – an image transformed.   Same berries – same brush – new context – new vision emerged. 

The Board is beginning a 6-month discussion about who we are as a congregation; about the growth we have experienced – and haven’t.  About our purpose together – all of us.  Our goal is to take a fresh look at our vision of the future and we need you.  In a time when more and more people are choosing not to attend a church of any kind, when people don’t even know much about their own religions, according to a recent Pew study, you choose to belong.  And you choose this church, our church. 

We have the same name as we always have.  We’re in the same building in the same neighborhood as we have been since the 60’s.  More than half of us – myself included – have been members more than twenty years.  And the world around us has changed.  New context.  New congregation.  Not better – not worse – just different.  What is the story of our congregation at this time in our history?  What is our growth story?  What do we mean by growth?  It’s more than numbers the Board is reminded by Loren Mead in his book we are reading. 

We want to hear from you why you choose to belong, why you give your time and resources.  When we distinguish – and are clear about - who we are today, we will be ready to transform ourselves as a congregation and will be ready to own our future and the many possibilities it presents.  As we celebrate who we have been, we welcome who we will become.

In Faith,

Nancy

Now we Gather

Paul and I spent a couple of hours yesterday walking around Longwood Gardens – always a beautiful place to be any time of year. The air was crisp, there was quite a breeze, and there were a few clouds in the sky, but no rain. Besides walking, I was there to learn more about the settings on my camera and play with a new lens. We started by checking out the sunflower fields that I read about in the paper in the morning. Just down the road from the main entrance there are acres and acres of sunflowers in full bloom at this special time of year of ingathering. Wow – you couldn’t help but be happy around all those sunshiny faces, nodding to each other in the wind, happily greeting the bees who came to taste what they had to offer. There was a steady stream of people gathering to take in the beauty of it all - old people, young people, families with children – smiling, chatting, walking in wonder through the field, in search of the perfect photo.

It’s not so different from church, is it? On Sunday, we’ll be gathering once again. I look forward to seeing your sunshiny faces there, welcoming each other, nodding and chatting with each other, meeting new people who have been drawn to this spiritual home of seekers we love. I hope that you come with great hopes and dreams of who we must be in the world – and that you share them with me and the others on our board.

See you in church!

In faith,

Nancy

Envisioning the BEST YEAR EVER

I finally got out my bicycle last week for the first time this year, and have added biking to my short list of spiritual practices. Riding away from the traffic can be just as spiritually fulfilling as walking – although harder to take photos! While biking on Tuesday, I was reflecting on the theme of “building bridges” that came up during a retreat I participated in on the last Saturday in August with one of our exceptional church teams. We were working on our plans for the upcoming church year, talking about our promises to each other and envisioning what a BEST YEAR EVER would be. Before considering what we might do, we considered how we would feel in June next year, what we would have experienced, what we learned, what difference we would have made together, if it had been the BEST YEAR EVER in our church. The vision this team held was truly inspiring to me. It went something like this.

“Imagine it’s June and it’s been the BEST YEAR EVER. I’m bringing my friends to church because…

• I have experienced what it’s like to be part of a “second family” who includes me, respects me and cares for me just as I am, no matter what I believe. In this home, I don’t have to hide my feelings and I can share them without fear of judgment.
• I have learned how Unitarian Universalism impacts my daily life, raising my awareness of my own values, helping me to clarify my own goals and developing new ideas that launch me into the world with newly gained confidence. I have learned about other religions and beliefs, and because of it I know myself better and am more prepared to engage with others in the world that are different from me.
• I have experienced many different spiritual practices, which have helped me in my own search for what is right for me in my spiritual growth. I can safely ask “who am I” while engaging with others who are asking the same question.
• I have helped to make a difference in the community outside our church, helping our church to have an identity beyond ourselves.
• I feel connected – to others in my group, to the broader church community, and to the community outside our church.
• I have had fun, danced, sung, experienced great music – and experienced the holy.

It’s a powerful vision and I’m blessed to be a part of it.

Did I mention that this team was the Youth Ministry Team – a team of our high school youth leaders and their adult co-leaders and advisors, along with our DRE, Catherine Williamson? Our youth are enthusiastic about creating a deep and enriching experience at church. They have a clear vision of our purpose as a church and the difference it makes in their lives and the lives of others. We sang “Building Bridges” and talked about ways for the youth to connect with the rest of the church community – as well as those outside our church. Wonderful!

So, imagine its June 2011 and it’s been the BEST YEAR EVER? Why are YOU bringing YOUR friends to church?   Let a board member know – it’s important.

In faith,

Nancy

Destiny and Purpose

What is your destiny? Do you even believe in destiny? I don’t mean fate or predetermination. By destiny I mean the path your life has taken and continues to take. As my friend and teacher Dianne Collins says, “Something taps you on the shoulder and says ‘let’s go’”. And what about your purpose – your “job” in life? Some may name it their “calling”. Aren’t we UU’s all about meaning and purpose in life? I recently explored the concepts of destiny, purpose and passion in Dianne’s program – the one I mentioned in my previous blog postings. According to Dianne, you don’t always necessarily live your destiny; the path is in there, you can take the path and the opportunities will be there for action, and yet you don’t take those opportunities. You may even be avoiding it as Jean de la Fontaine said, “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” In order to live your purpose, you may need to drop some things out of your life – they just aren’t appropriate for the time. We need a clear mind for this self reflection  – our respective spiritual practices serve us well to help.


In church on Sunday, 8/15, Scott had Miriam read excerpts from Spirit and Song. Each quote she read was in its own way a description of the author’s destiny or purpose: “I must create; music pursues me; I cannot help but…”. For some their destiny was obvious at a young age – and they jumped on the path and ran with it. For others, it may not be so clear – or they skirt along the edges of the path without fully embracing all that it has to offer.

How do you know what your purpose is? I’ve learned to ask these questions to help distinguish it – “What are you drawn to? What engages you? What do people come to you for, over and over?” If you think through your life, you can begin to see the patterns – the path your life has taken. When I look back – even into my childhood – I discover how I have been drawn to projects that match my passions – and also help me build my skills; many times I have led an initiative for the first time. I’m a “visual” person and must explore and create visually – whether with pencil and paper, my camera on a walk through a forest, or a chart pad and set of markers to help frame a discussion. I am also drawn to connect with others, often through leadership but just as often these days for relationship building. People say they come to me for perspective – a chance to test ideas and broaden their thinking; for a calming influence; and because I commit and get things done. These all help to distinguish my purpose and destiny.

Distinguishing my destiny – the path I’m on – and my purpose is really a work in progress; and in fact the path can change through life; it’s something to stay conscious of along the way. For now, I’ve decided it’s something like a connection between my leadership and the creation process – bringing the creativity out in others, whether it be through my photography projects or church work or other life activities. The people I engage with grow – perhaps gain new perspectives and achieve things they didn’t know they could – and I grow through the experience with them.

What about a congregation? Can a congregation have a destiny? A purpose? Are there opportunities that present themselves along the way that such a group – like ours – steps up to? Or ignores? What shows up for us over and over? What is our “must do”? How can we be crystal clear about our purpose for this time and this place and ensure that each of us holds it in our consciousness as the context for everything we do at church? What must we give up in order to fully live our purpose? This is one of the actions the Board and Executive Team have selected for this year. It’s not about rewriting our mission – although we are likely to find clarity of mission along the way. It’s about consciously living our mission – our purpose – together, in everything we do.

So – as you quiet your mind through your own personal spiritual practice, what comes up for you? In a single sentence, what do you think our congregation’s unique purpose is? How do we keep this front and center and live our purpose? What must we give up? Share your thoughts in the comments below, share it with a Board member – or your team members, and come to a discussion this year and let us hear what’s in your heart.

In Faith,

Nancy

Beginning the new church year

Thank you to all of you who have been reading my blog – and who are still here! It’s been a while since I wrote something. You can be assured, however, that the Board is hard at work over the summer. Our focus in July and August has been reviewing the bylaws with the goal of addressing changes that reflect reality for today and into the future. We will be bringing our proposed changes to the congregation for discussion in the coming months.

We held our annual leadership planning retreat with the Board and Executive Team on Friday and Saturday of this past weekend to identify key initiatives to work on over the next one to three years – along with all the usual work of the Board.  Beginning on Friday with an engaging discussion based on the book, “Serving with Grace: Lay Leadership as a Spiritual Practice” by Erik Walker Wikstrom, we entered into a very purposeful Saturday planning session.  Coming out of that meeting we will be continuing our exploration of congregational growth and the interim steps we need to take along the way as well as how we can become a more mission-focused congregation. More on that to come.

I must admit, my walks have been few and far between this summer. Alas, I am a fair weather walker. I’ve tried walking in the heat of the summer – and I have tried walking in a blizzard. Neither was really effective at helping me to still my mind. I realize if I am to stay spiritually centered, I must have more than one practice in my spiritual toolkit. And so I am “trying on” other practices to see how they fit.

I participated in a 3-month long program this summer with about 20 others via audio conference on mastery of the mind and applying the principles to accomplishing our passions. Fascinating stuff –amazing people! One of the key concluding points of the program was “You have to be in a state of calm to be able to create anything. It’s that simple.” Getting to that state of calm is what I’m doing on my walks or when I'm looking at a beautiful landscape like the almost-midnight sun I experienced while in Norway; it’s what some do through meditation and others do through writing or music – or whatever resonates. You may have noticed “UU 201” mentioned in a recent eNews.  It's an offering at our church on Sunday mornings this fall where members of our congregation will talk about how their spiritual practices connect them to their own faith as UUs. I’ve been invited to share my experience and thoughts – hope to see you there!

In faith,

Nancy

Noticing our Habits - Shaping our Experience

On Sunday, my friend Cindy and I decided to walk the labyrinth at the Delaware Art Museum. It was a nice evening – warm enough but with a breeze that was very comfortable. I don’t remember walking a labyrinth before – so I didn’t really know what to expect. But I sensed that others found the experience a very spiritual one and I was ready to have the same. I was happy to see that we were the only ones walking it that evening – leaving us to experience it without distraction. Or so I thought.

It’s amazing how we create our own distractions simply through our habits which shape our experience of life. This happens to me all the time in my Step class. I’m bouncing along to the music, happy to be moving, proud of myself for picking up the steps, mostly effortlessly, and amazed that pretty much everyone in the room is doing the same thing. The instructor is shouting out “don’t think!” as if thinking is a barrier to success in the class. And then my mind wanders. “What’s on my list of things to do this afternoon? I wonder if I’ll have time to get the paint I need for our project. “ Usually, church thoughts find their way into my mind. “What do we need to accomplish this church year as a board? What’s the agenda for June? Who’s doing what? What’s the best use of our precious retreat time together? Everyone is so busy!” Pretty soon my thoughts have taken over and I find I am tripping over the step, doing the wrong part of the routine – you get the picture. I have to laugh. It’s not that thinking is bad or that those thoughts aren’t important. But when the thinking gets in the way, I just need to notice it and set it aside for another time, so I can be focused in the moment and enjoy the music and the energy I am getting from the experience.

So, alone in the labyrinth with just Cindy silently walking before me, I found it strangely “unspiritual”. I’m used to walking where I want, taking different forks in the road to explore new territory, seeing interesting new sights. Here I was, walking a path that was preplanned for me, with nothing new to uncover. And yet, I didn’t depart from the planned path, despite there was nothing stopping me. Like in my step class, my mind wandered and I found myself critiquing the experience – “what’s this all about? I don’t get it.” Critiquing – another habit. I made my way to the center, meeting Cindy there. There, in the middle of the labyrinth, our voices vibrated off the stone walls that enclosed the labyrinth. Stomping on the ground echoed back to us. It was like being the clanger in a bell. What an amazing feeling. What had I missed on the way while I was critiquing?

My experience of the walk out of the labyrinth was very different. Critique put away for another time, I focused on the journey of the labyrinth. I began to notice how the path weaved towards the middle, and then back to the outside, doubling back near, but not quite over, territory I’d covered before – a bit like life. I began to notice certain stones – very different from the others – which pulled my interest, and made me wonder if someone had placed them there with specific intent, with special meaning. I wondered what their journey was about, and why they walked the labyrinth. I noticed the honeysuckle on the walls around us and the sounds of the birds in the trees. Same walk – different experience – just by noticing a habit and putting it aside to create something new and more spiritual.

Currently, I am taking a course from Alan and Dianne Collins; Dianne is the author of “Do You QuantumThink®? New Thinking That Will Rock Your World” (coming this summer). This week, we are watching for our habits – just noticing them as they’re happening and setting them aside to create a different experience. We all have them – complaining, whining, criticizing, justifying, resisting. If we are able to catch ourselves in them and, without judgment, shift our thinking in the moment, we can shape our experience in totally different ways. Something to try at church as we create the welcoming and caring community we hope to be.

In Faith,

Nancy

Gratitude and Change

We just had our annual meeting on Sunday.  I toiled all week before - actually for several weeks -  with what I might say to our congregation that would make a difference - might take us into a year of discussion together with a spirit of community.   But it was on a walk with my family - away from the computer - that words came to me that had meaning.  I had forgotten my spiritual practice for a couple weeks - and coming back to it centered me.  A lesson for me - take care of myself.

In my remarks, I asked that each person consider two questions, and before the end of the meeting, write down their responses on a card and turn it in to us:  "What are you grateful for?" and "What will you do differently next year in relation to First Unitarian?"   Centered in our gratitude for all that we have in this great faith of ours, what actions will we take to bring about the transformation we need to be the church we know we can be?  The responses were overwhelming - amazing gratitude and significant commitment. 

If you were not there, or if you were there and are still pondering, I hope you will send me your responses, or add them as a comment to this blog, or fill out card and put it in the board mail slot at church so we can multiply our energy.  While we have significant concerns about our budget this year - as we have had in previous years - we are now facing our challenges with intent for understanding and action this year, and that will make all the difference.

I include below my words to the congregation from our annual meeting for your consideration.

President's Report to the Congregation - Sunday, May 16, 2010

“Gratitude is one of those rare forces in life that increases as you give it away,” says Neil Neimark, of the Body Soul Connection. And so I’d like to begin my remarks with gratitude. First, for outgoing board members who have worked hard on your behalf.

• Cindy Cohen has been a member of your Board for 6 years, including 1 year as President. She believed she could make a difference for our congregation during difficult times, and she has made a difference in so many ways. She is passionate about our communications and has paved the way for those who will succeed her on the board and in the role of recording secretary.
• David Weiss has been a member of your Board for 3 years and a vital devil’s advocate for our thinking, bringing challenging questions and unique perspectives to our work. His presence and voice has been invaluable to me as Board president.
• Phil Dowd has been a member of your Board for 3 years, as well. In his gentle way, Phil helped reel me in when necessary and was instrumental in planning our retreats and meetings with the congregation, bringing his facilitation skills to the table.

We will miss all three on the Board and look forward to our three new Board members who will join us tomorrow after our vote today. Please join me in thanking these fine folks for their service.

I would also like to thank:

•  Steve Cohen, who has been our Treasurer for two years and will continue next year. He has significant insights into our financial situation and has provided sage advice throughout the year. Over the past four weeks, he has prepared and reviewed the outlook for next year, facilitated emotionally charged discussions with his own sense of calm. He will be instrumental during next year in helping the Board and congregation understand the realities of our financial situation as we complete our work on the priorities of our church.
• The Executive Team has been our partner in leadership this year, accepting their responsibilities and accountabilities with great energy. We have made significant progress this year towards operational excellence. For the first time in my 5 years on the Board, we are receiving complete monitoring reports on church operations that clearly demonstrate our strengths and weaknesses and instill confidence in your Board and Treasurer that our operations and financial condition are sound. For the first time in 7 years we have had an external financial audit and it showed no significant issues. For the first time in 9 years, we have a high level long-range plan that has been turned over to the Executive Team to take to the next level of detail.

Who and what are you grateful for in our congregation? If you will, please take your yellow card and write “I am grateful for” on it, and before you leave today, please list one gratitude.

Uncertainty – Change – Fear – Bad memories – Love – Strong emotional triggers. We’ve been through a lot as a congregation in the past 10 years and things are feeling good. Much is reflected in our annual report and I hope you will take time to read about all of our accomplishments. Great stuff is beginning to happen.

For several years now we have used reserve funds to balance a budget that is larger than reliable forms of income can support. This is a practice which is unsustainable and it is time to address it with intention. This year, your board and Executive Team presented a preliminary budget at two budget reconciliation meetings with the congregation, that included reducing job positions of three of our staff members: Honorary Minister of Music (HMM), Director of Religious Exploration (DRE) and, Business Manager (BM), as well as reducing our dues, and eliminating budgets for most of our committees. It was based on a lower income from several sources, including projected pledge income. We were thrown, as a congregation, and many of you asked for one more year to give our fledgling programs a chance to take off and to understand our priorities better; to take care of our valued and talented staff; to understand if our limitation on staff costs of 70% of income is still relevant; to figure this out. Your input was considered carefully by the Executive Team and Board.

In a few minutes, Steve Cohen will present a revised budget that restores program staff, including the DRE and HMM, to full time with salary cuts across all staff. It is not a balanced budget – and the Board requires that it be balanced by June 15. Even with significant cuts still included, such as the BM position, dues and committee budgets, the shortage is too large to continue to fund from other sources. The plan is to have a supplemental stewardship drive to close the gap in projected income needed, estimated to be on the order of $30,000 – about 5% of our current projected pledge income. Short of raising that income, the Executive Team will make adjustments to the budget to be in alignment with our financial policies with the exception of the limit on salaries and benefits to 70% of projected income, which we will ask you to put aside again this year. The reality is, if the gap is still too large at the end of the drive, we could still impact our staff further.

A personal story: My dad is soon to be 86 – a young man by some standards. :-) He looks frail, physically, to the unknowing onlooker. He’s had a number of mini-strokes which have left him without good balance and strength. Every time he gets up from his chair and is securely on his feet, he declares with a smile “made it again”. And then he goes on to walk in the pool and seek out new ways to strengthen his body because at 86 he has a strong will to live. “I’m not ready yet, Nan,” he says. It’s not “business as usual” for him.

When we approve this budget – and I believe we will; when we raise the additional funds – and I believe we will; will we say “made it again” and go on, business as usual? What will we do differently to take today’s congregation into the future? How will we think differently about our staff and our programs? How can we be more intentional about creating opportunities to bring the community in – or to take our programs to the community? How can we refocus our energy on our highest priorities so we don’t burn out our staff and volunteers?

To quote President Barack Obama “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

So, if you will, please think about “what I will do differently in my relationship to First Unitarian Church and why,” and before the end of this meeting, write it down on the back of the yellow card. Here’s what I have written on my card: Starting in June, I will be working with our youth as a mentor in leadership because our youth are our future. And I will join with others to work on our systems of connection, because connection is a key ingredient for growth. Paul and I will contribute to the supplemental pledge drive and starting today, we began a new spiritual practice of giving thanks each week for the gifts this congregation has given to us—and for the privilege of freedom of belief and worship. We intend to give each week to the non-designated offering, over and above our pledge. We won’t let the offering plate pass us without reaching in our pockets for a few extra dollars. I invite you to join us in that practice, which alone could raise significant ongoing income from just $1 per person per week.

I hope you will put your name on your card and put it in the basket at the back of the sanctuary, sharing your gratitude and your commitments with us. What you give away returns to you in ways you may not yet understand.

In Faith,

Nancy

Inspirational Ideas Welcome

I'm in the habit of doing the Sudoku and Cryptic Byword puzzles in the paper each morning - I read the horoscopes, too.  Usually they give me a chuckle - occasionally they speak the truth.  SPOILER ALERT - If you do  the cryptogram - and haven't done it today - I'm about to reveal the answer.   According to Mary Kay Ash ... "A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one."  How true.

I've been moping around for the past two weeks, caving emotionally to the pressure of decisions to be made about how we can afford the staff we have, in the face of a smaller congregation than we once were.  Believe me, I've cried many a private tear.  As a Board and Executive Team, we have looked at the facts, and have taken a conservative approach as fiduciaries for our beloved congregation which results in reducing all employees time and pay, some as much as 25%,   It's a safe and secure way to be financially sound for the next year - and it inspires no one, I suspect.  Not the Board, not the ministers, not the staff, not the congregation.  

On the other hand, it is a wake-up call for us.  It calls us to challenge ourselves to be creative and to focus on the changes we must make to be viable for the long-term.  I received a note from a person who has attended our church and heard of our current financial dilemma.  He put it like this - "...the church appears to finally be at a real fork in the road.  One path will lead to a smaller congregation with a smaller budget, the other to the unknown which hopefully involves major outreach and service to Wilmington and Delaware and a larger congregation.  People want to be part of something that is improving their world."  I knew that.  In the Board's discussions with the congregation over the past year about who we want to be as a congregation, we heard that being a congregation that makes a difference in the world, outside our four walls, was a high priority.

If we are to grow, why would people choose our church for the long haul?  Clearly, being open to diverse beliefs gets some people through the door, but is it enough to keep them?  A great Sunday morning program will keep many.   At the same time, I believe, like the feedback I received, the people who are church shopping today - whether for themselves or their family - are looking for ways they can make a difference in the world - hands on.  And that is at the core of Unitarian Universalism.    Many of us do that outside of our church home - and some of us focus on outreach through our church.  Imagine the impact we could have if we brought our values to the world together on a much larger scale.  With our newly formed Allies for Racial Justice, we are beginning a new partnership with Canaan Baptist Church - a great addition to our current outreach programs like ILYA and Emmanuel Dining Room.  Will our outreach inspire us - and others?

What would it look like and feel like to be the liberal church known for making real change in our community and beyond?  That could be something to stick around for - and eventually support.

As for ideas for our current dilemma?  Bring them on.  I'd much rather be inspired that sad.  We read that it takes 3 to 5 years to experience the beginning of growth when a new minister or other church leader arrives.  That's a few years away for us - and yet it's just around the corner.  How can we have financial responsibility and creativity work hand in hand to move us forward?

And by the way, I'm done moping.  

In Faith,

Nancy

It matters where we go

 I spent last weekend with friends I first met nearly 40 years ago when I was a freshman at college.  We were moving in to the dorm and found ourselves in a remote tower of the building.  You could only get there by walking down the second floor, through a door onto the balcony overlooking one of the dining rooms, around the balcony and through another door, up a flight of stairs - where there were three rooms; a triple, a quad and another triple.  It was called "Rat Hole" at the time.  Interestingly, it is now "Princess Tower" - a new perspective on life!  Well, you really get to know people when you live together somewhat isolated from others.  Thirty-five years after graduation, we reunited and found what we already knew - we have a bond that will last a lifetime.  We visited that freshman room - even took our picture with the girls who live there now and shared stories about the room.  They say it's haunted!

Saturday, we took a walk around - a truly beautiful campus, especially in the springtime.  I lingered behind to capture the moment and take it all in again.  The experience gave me pause to think once again about what's really important in life - family, good friends, good memories, service to others.  For the past year, our Board of Trustees has experimented with a variety of ways to engage you - our members and friends - to  understand what is really important to you when it comes to the difference we make as a church community.  Your ideas and perspectives help us set First Unitarian's direction and allocate our limited time - paid and volunteer - and financial resources.  We tried fun polls in the Parish Hall on Sundays, a Friday night wine and cheese gathering, a Sunday afternoon pizza lunch and workshop, as well as countless individual interactions.  Along the way, we gathered many interesting insights which will help us as we work through another tight budget year.

Member Jenn Phillips recently reminded me of the famous quote by Lewis Carroll from Alice In Wonderland - " ... 'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.  'I don't much care where - ' said Alice.  'Then it doesn't matter which way you go.' said the Cat.  '-so long as I get somewhere.' Alice added as an explanation.  'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.' "

It matters where we go - what we stand for.  It's always a little fuzzy in the distance - and it still matters.  As we do each year, we must choose what is most important to us in moving towards our vision.  We count on our members' financial support to the best of their abilities to get us there.  Have you remembered to let the office know what you can pledge to help First U be a strong voice for Unitarian Universalist values and make a real difference in the face of many challenges in our community, our country and the world?  If you have - many thanks.  If it has slipped off your radar screen, there's still time to make that call.  Thanks in advance for your support.

In Faith,

Nancy

The Possibilities of our Dream

This week we kicked off our stewardship campaign for the support of our church operations. It’s a tough sell. Times are hard for many of our members – layoffs, salary cuts, and other hardships of a financial nature.  I’ve been rereading a very inspirational book by Lynne Twist called “The Soul of Money” as I prepared for speaking to the congregation today about our vision. She talks of our traditional perspectives of our resources, like money and time, which block us from using them for fulfilling causes.  She names them “the toxic myths of scarcity” – “There’s not enough”, “More is better”, and “That’s just the way it is”.  These perspectives cause us to take actions out of fear, competition, and hopelessness.  If we can let go of these and shift our perspective to one of “sufficiency” – knowing there is enough and that we are enough – we make different choices - about how we spend our time, how we spend our money. In her book she describes many situations where people who have far less than we do in the United States live happy, fulfilling lives.

When Paul and I decided to put our church and other causes that are consistent with our values at the top of our priority list for disposable income, we found we could support these important aspects of our life in a significant way. I’m sure we gave up other material things – maybe we didn’t eat out as much, we didn’t buy a bigger house, we still have the TV we had 10 years ago – and many other things.  Nothing important was missed AND we feel really good that a significant part of our income is going to causes which make a difference not only in our lives but in the lives of others in our community.

So I repeat here what I wrote to you, the congregation, for the service today, in the event you were unable to make it to church. I have removed names I used of individuals since I haven’t received permission to use them in my blog.
____________________________

This is an intentionally inclusive faith community that welcomes all. When you close your eyes and dream about the possibilities, what do you see?

• I see a teenager who shared with us last week that his church youth group and UU cons were the two places in the world he felt accepted. He has connected with other youth and it has made a difference in his life.
• I see a group of young teens who are launching their own personal spiritual quest – each on their own unique path. They are connecting with their inner selves and with the search they will continue into adulthood. They are connecting with others who believe differently from them. This has made a difference in their lives and how they relate to their friends of different faiths.
• I see a small group discussing a deep question about god or death or freedom. In this group, some members, some not - there are significant differences in backgrounds and beliefs – intentionally. As each person speaks from the depths of their being, the others are not thinking about what they will say next about their own beliefs, but rather are listening intently to gain new perspective, growing in their understanding about another human being. And when it is their turn, the others listen, too. They have connected on a deep, spiritual and human level and it has made a difference in their lives and how they see and relate to others in their community.
• I see adults working side-by-side with teens and adults like our members who have a dream of saving the world, and with others outside our church so that all people in our community will be afforded their inherent worth and dignity and our planet will be sustained for future generations. They have connected in service to others and it has made a difference in their lives and the life of our community.
• I see an all-church potluck – or talent show, like last night, with families of all sorts playing and laughing: single people and committed couples – old and young - straight and gay - with and without children, all colors, all backgrounds. They have connected in fellowship and it has made a difference in their lives and how they relate to people who are different from them.
• I see people who are visiting those who cannot be at church. They are reading, talking, and being quiet together. They are connecting in care and love and it has made a difference in their lives.
• I see us joining our voices, hands and hearts with other UU’s – some who now have their own church we helped to grow – working for systemic change in our world. Our collective voice is needed and is making a difference.

Our vision is that our church is not just a safe haven – although it is that too – but a launching pad for personal and spiritual renewal. A place where learning about and from our differences is what makes us whole and prepares us for the work we must do in the world; where we are intentionally inclusive because we do not know how to be otherwise.

This vision is not so different than 20 years ago – or 40 years ago – or a hundred years ago, because it is rooted in our Unitarian Universalist values. It was about 20 years ago when Paul and I were reflecting on our relationship with our church – sitting right here, preparing to make our pledge for the next year. Having just returned from four years living in places where we didn’t have a UU church like this in our town, we were keenly aware of what we had missed. Like we heard last night “You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.”

We were raising 3 children, both working, paying for day care, stretching to pay for our new house, saving for college. Time and money seemed tight. After everything else, we were contributing to church as best we thought we could; AND we recognized that our support of this important faith didn’t come close to matching the difference it made in our lives and the lives of our children. In that moment – – our relationship with money and our faith was forever transformed.

That year we doubled our pledge – and year after year we increased it significantly. We still watched our money and planned for the future – only now our church – and other causes that reflected our values in action – were at the top of the priority list in our plan. What we found was there was always enough. Enough money, enough time. We believe in what this church is and can be.

For many of you, like us, money flows through your life like a river. And for others, especially now, it’s a trickle. All are included here. We all have the opportunity – the freedom – to direct the flow of what we do have – our time, energy, creativity, compassion – and money – to make a difference.

This is an intentionally inclusive faith community that welcomes all. It has transformed the lives of generations – and is our hope it will continue to do so for generations to come.

Sand Dollars and Membership Growth

The Board is initiating a conversation about membership growth in First U.  Our vision is to make a difference in the world.   If growing our numbers is important to us, in what ways will it help to make a difference?  Is growing in our diversity important?  Why? 

It sure feels like we’re growing.  We are feeling excitement in church, attendance is good – and coffee hour after church is full and lasts a long time.  Open Circles is in full swing, people are showing up to cook for Emmanuel Dining Room, and a new effort has begun to address racial justice.  The fact is, in the past year, we have barely held steady in our overall membership numbers?  We say we want to grow –– and it’s a big challenge.

I’ve been visiting my parents in Florida over the past week – spending time on the Gulf Coast in the panhandle.  Despite the colder than usual weather, I spent several hours of every day walking along the deserted beach.  I was usually in search of that rare find – a sand dollar that hasn’t been broken up in its travels through the breaking waves.  I found many, many beautiful shells – there must be millions to choose from.  But it’s hard to find sand dollars.  I was also in search of new subjects for my photography.  I have hundreds of photos of this beach – the shells, the sunset, the waves, the gulls.  I was hoping to get a great shot of a pelican.  Harder than it seems.  Alone on the beach, I rediscovered the importance of patience, something easy to leave behind in the digital world.   It takes patience to get that specific picture I have in my imagination.

While walking, I thought a lot about our vision for our membership.  I tried to stay away from easy answers and instead focused on questions we might contemplate.  I realized that understanding growth and its impact is like finding that elusive sand dollar – it takes patience.  It takes asking questions to understand what we will achieve through growth.  It takes creating experiences that are rewarding and make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.  I continue to believe that when others experience the difference we make at our church, we will grow.  And it takes patience.

I hope you will join the Board of Trustees on Sunday, March 7^th, at our “Springboard to Growth” conversation with the congregation, and help us to discern what growth means to our congregation.

And by the way, I finally found that sand dollar!

In Faith,

Nancy

Relaxed - May it last!

One of the early walks we took while in New Zealand was along the Te Waihou Walkway on the north island. We piled out of the bus and started walking through rolling hills, cattle grazing in the fields to our left. Working our way through the pastoral lands, we climbed down to the Waihou Stream. This beautiful, blue-green stream is totally spring fed – pure and natural – said to be one of the purest water sources in the world. The water was so clear I could easily see the fish swimming along. I was awestruck at the clarity and the color.

Such a peaceful walk. Most of our group walked on ahead while I lingered at the back, soaking up the beauty of it all – and of course trying to capture it with my camera. I think it was on this walk that I really relaxed from the trip to get there – and stayed that way for the rest of the trip. It was very easy to shed the stress of our American life. The people we encountered were relaxed, the country was beautiful, and the air was clean. If ever our 7th principle was alive and well, it was in this beautiful country.

Back at home, I’m still feeling relaxed. How long will it last? Hard to tell. But I’m enjoying the feeling. I even had a different outlook during our recent snow storms. I had much more energy for the shoveling (thankfully). And when that was done, Matt and I built a snowman. Memories of my childhood! Here’s to keeping stress down and energy up!

In Faith,

Nancy

Welcoming the Stranger

Wandering through New Zealand, it was no surprise to find our guide to be amazingly friendly and welcoming.  After all, it’s his job.  Gary greeted us on our first day with a big smile and a handshake, and it seemed instantly knew all of our names – 15 in our group.  He greeted us each day with an enthusiastic “Kia Ora!” – and assured us each day that “it’s all good….no worries.”  He made an amazing difference in our travel experience.

What stood out for me however was how welcoming the locals were – people who weren’t being paid to see that our stay was a good one.  On the first day in Auckland, while riding the ferry across the bay to our first hike and soaking up the sites silently by myself, a young New Zealand woman engaged me in conversation as if we rode together on the ferry every day.  What is often awkward to me came easily and naturally to her.  On my way back on the ferry, a weathered older man was equally friendly, leading me in an “every day” conversation.  There was no magic in what we said – just every day talk.  We did talk about where I was from (obviously not a local) - and never mentioned the weather!

This experience was repeated over and over during our stay in New Zealand -  “radical hospitality” at its best.  What is the parallel for our church, where welcoming newcomers is critical to growing our membership?  I believe it is a culture where ALL members of the congregation see themselves on the “membership team”.  Indeed we have some members like that – friendly and welcoming to newcomers, even when not in an official greeter role.  Are you one of them? 

On Sunday, try talking with someone you don’t know before approaching your usual circle of friends.  Make a difference in a newcomer’s experience of our congregation.

In faith,

Nancy

A Challenge Faced

I’ve just returned from New Zealand – an amazing adventure with many new experiences. There were opportunities for walking everyday – some easy, and some more challenging. One such challenge for me came about 5 days into our travel. We traveled by bus from Rotorua to the base of Mt. Tarawera, a dormant volcano which last blew its top June 10, 1886. From there, we boarded a 4-wheel drive vehicle to travel through dense forest on a one-way rugged road the rest of the way up the mountain to the beginning of our day’s hike.  By the time we got to our starting point, vegetation was scrubby and the walking path was visible – and not too long to the top. I knew we were to continue our hike down into the crater of Mt. Tarawera – yet when we got to the edge of the crater, it looked to be straight down. I started getting that feeling in my stomach that I get near the edge of the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls. “OK – that’s a long way down there.”

About half of us decided to continue on the crater hike –while the others took an alternate path around the crater to our meeting point. I was determined to face my jitters and joined the group headed for the crater. Instructions were to step heel first each time and slide with each step as we make our way down through the loose volcanic rock. "If you lose your balance, sit down– like skiing." There were other instructions about walking poles and other things which I only half heard in my distraction about the hike. 

It was steep – although not straight down as it seemed. After a couple of steps getting the “feel of the land”, I became much more comfortable – ready to snap away with my camera to try to capture the moment. I did sit several times – and I smiled a lot. What a great feeling to be half-way around the world, walking down into a volcano, facing a challenge – and beating the jitters! At the bottom, we all emptied our boots of loose rock, which we were promised would get in as we sunk into about six-inches of gravel on the way down. Our guide drew in the gravel and told the story of the volcano – while I wandered around snapping photos. And then we trekked out.

We all have fears – no matter how insignificant they may seem. Facing them takes determination –knowing if we do we’ll feel exhilaration at having accomplished something new and challenging. Church involvement can be like that, too. A fear of public speaking is something I hear about from potential church leaders. Fear of the unknown in some totally new experience is another. My experience – in travel and in church – is the first step is the hardest. After that, it’s all downhill. As they say in New Zealand, ”no worries, mate.  It's all good!” What will you be trying next?

In Faith,

Nancy